And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
