this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
