I smell stomach acid.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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