Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
