think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
