Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
