ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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