the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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