dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
