The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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