his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
