I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
