If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
