so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
