they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
