Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
