Your mouth is God's brothel.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
