Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
