dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
