Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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