someone get that fucking seahorse.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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