you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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