How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
