we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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