you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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