If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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