I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
