You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
