I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it glows. i had to have it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just pee around me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
