You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
