i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
