just survived the first fart of the relationship.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just googled if crying burns calories
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
