She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
