i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
