I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
