I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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