If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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