Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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