im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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