Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
