Me. At least after what I've been through.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
