just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
