I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
