Welp...herpes.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are we still banned from the library?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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