i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
