then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
