I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
