I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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