Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
