why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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