Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
