How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
