I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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