HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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