Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
