This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
