she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
