im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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