Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
