it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
